Awash On Disparaging Seas......searching for shore...

Hi Sky, I hope you are doing well and keeping busy with positive things. I've been thinking a lot about you lately and about this web log I've been posting. I realized I've been so busy trying to get this thing out and hoping you would find this that I didn't even consider much the fact that you very well may not even want to read this stuff. If that's the case Skylar I'll understand, and I'm sorry. I just want you to know that this is a genuine attempt to help you out and that any emotion I share with you is strictly in truthfulness. I just miss you, a mad hella bunch, and it strongly appealed to me to have an outlet through which I could talk to you and share information and, mostly, just how I'm feeling.

Sometimes I think about if maybe this could somehow p*ss you off or emotionally upset you in any way. That would be my absolute last desire and It would pain me terribly to think that I was doing something to elicit anything other than a happy or positive response. I wish we could talk and if you didn't want me to write to you than I would try to really let you know that I'll always be here for you, whenever, forever, and then I would stop posting this. My main objective in even starting this web log was to try and reach out to let you know that I'm out here, and that I Love you honey, and that I'm not and never have been ignoring or avoiding you in any way on purpose. It brings such guilt and despair to my heart that it feels like I'm truly dying from it all.

I was talking about Bible passages in a recent post about religion. Well, I found one that pretty completely sums up the way I've been feeling. In Matthew 26:38 Jesus stated an overwhelming sorrow in his soul and asks some of his trusted people to stay and keep watch with him. I feel encumbered in my sorrow and grief yet I'm often greatly worried 'cause I have no one to "keep watch" with me. It causes me some confusion and bigtime despair and sometimes it's like really more than I can carry. The real truth is that with my life in it's present state of calamity, I don't even know how I'd facilitate having you visit me at the present time. Given the chance though, I would unequivocally figure out some way.

To be truthful with you, which I'll always be, I really don't even have my own place right now. Believe me Sky, when I tell you I'm in kind of a bad situation right now, that's like probably the understatement of the century. From day to day the yuckafied mix of mounting guilt and overwhelming sorrow feels totally and absolutely heinous and it's entirely unrelenting. The emotional pressure is sooo huge that it almost always feels much much bigger than me. Why would I share such deeply honest emotions with you that are not exactly happy or in the positive? Because, for one, I've sworn myself to always be nothing but totally honest with you Sky, and unfortunately this is what I'm going through, deserve it or not.

There is another reason though and it is the first and most important one for certain. You see sweetheart, I want for you to see first hand how, no matter how impossible any situation may seem, that there is always a way out and no matter what the situation may be, no matter how bad things can get, this too will eventually pass. The underlying and primary point to harvest from all this is, quite plainly, there is always hope. I want for you to remember this Sky, throughout the entirety of your life, for this may be one of the most valuable lessons life could ever teach us sweetheart, that no matter what kind of confidence crumbling chaos could possibly be raining down upon us, NO MATTER WHAT, there is ALWAYS hope.

I think I will keep on making these posts, for now, and I think I'll just keep on holding tight to all my hopes and maybe someday, within this sea of turmoil and uncertainty, I just might make it to to the other side. Maybe someday. Until I hear from you I will try and post on this web log at least every several days. Sky, If or when you may happen to come across this ever growing collection of thoughts and ideas, please realize sweetheart that it's truly and simply been a joyous gift for you and a grateful labor of my Love.

I LOVE YOU TRULY, ETERNALLY AND WITH ALL MY HEART. I hope that you will wander across this soon and until such time I pray that you will be safe and happy in your life. I'll post again here soon and until I do, always make sure you treat others with the courtesy and respectfulness that you would like to be treated with. I can not stress enough the immense importance of your consciousness in the choices that you make, so ...Please... always be conscious of your choices and make sure that you make sure to do the right thing....because,without doubt..... It absolutely, positively MATTERS. Thanks Sky, I Love you lots sweetie('MY SKY'). :-) Peace be with you my lovely daughter. Vous êtes ma légèreté et mon espoir. Soyez bon ma belle fille. Je t'aime chèrement Skylar. Avec La Sincérité Totale , Votre Pour Toujours E.G.F..