I'm Missing You ....Immensely

Hello my daughter, I hope you are doing well on this day(and all days). As always I'm glad to be able to post although I must say I'm feeling a little melancholy today, it's hard to feel cheery when there's a hole in your heart where someone you love ought to be :-( . I guess things are just getting to me a little extra today for some reason. Anyway, I'm knee deep in the process of getting myself some medical attention and getting on with a better and much more productive stage of my life. I don't know if you've noticed but I spent some time yesterday hooking up some links for the link section of this blog. I tried to include some things that I thought would be useful to you and yet cool enough to be enjoyable too. There are a couple of them that are political minded and I only include those because I wanted you to see them, I want to encourage you to be a free minded individual so how you assimilate that info is entirely up to you. I picked out a sort of "top 25" that I thought you should check out and I hope you like them. If you ever want me to add anything just let me know, I'd REALLY LOVE to have the input :-) .

Sky, I hope you don't take offense when I try to offer "fatherly advice" or my various insights since the situation is the way it is. I just want you to grow up to be a good person. You already have the seeds planted deep within you. You can think of my input and advice as the water and nutrients and your positive experiences/relationships as the sunshine. My only dilemma is being able to be there to help pull the weeds. I certainly hope that someone there is pulling the weeds. You know, you can do some of that yourself too, if need be. Anyway, you must try to be strong, Sky, and have courage. Courage is doing the right thing even though you are afraid. Building a secure self is not easy and can rarely if ever be done by oneself, but it doesn't have to be. Never be afraid to ask for some help when you need it. We're all supposed to be here to help one another out along the way. Help many and you'll also help yourself as a consequence. It's all part of the interconnected web of life :-) . Smile baby, and let yourself laugh often and openly whenever you get the chance. Laughter is like medicine to your soul, and it really helps a lot :-) .

Sweetheart I miss you so much that it's getting hard to even write this thing. Some days are just a lot harder than others I guess, such is life. You just have to tough things out when it gets really difficult and try to stay focused on whatever it is your trying to accomplish and no matter what, NEVER give up. Well, there's certainly NO chance whatsoever of that(giving up) happening in this case. I'll post this blog until I've made contact with you or I cease to live on this Earth. Heck, you may have a multi-volume Epic Masterpiece before it's over with :-) . My problem is that what I'm trying to accomplish is to make some kind of contact with you. It's a natural and obvious enough desire and all, it's just that every second I long so much for some sort of tangible progress and yet sometimes it feels like I'm just sending this out to somewhere in outerspace or something and that makes me feel like you're never going to find this thing :-( . It's frustrating I mean, God, where's the equal justice in this situation?

I hope that good things really do come to those that wait because I will stay unshakably determined to find the patience, somehow, in my earnestmost hope that someday the most incredible and miraculous thing(look in mirror) ;-) to ever touch my universe will eventually come to me. I have to think now how I would always want to reassure you to keep the faith and this time learn to take my own advice to help me make it through. My God this SO totally sucks to want you and miss you and need you yet not be able to have you in my life. While by now we should be heavily engaged in building and reinforcing a positive Father/Daughter relationship, instead I'm caught up in this huge legal conundrum while my only child grows up without me. The fact that this situation, while to a minimal degree(admittedly), is not mostly my fault makes me absolutely furious. I am feeling very deeply wounded at this time. Some of these wounds will be forever.

Honest parental Love should never be kept away from a child, It's inhumane, deeply harmful, it's unnatural and it's just not right. I just can not believe that this is even happening and I can't imagine that it's even remotely legal the way I've been pushed around and completely shut out when it comes to all affairs in relation to you're life. I could never possibly do anything to deserve this. Think about it, there are literally thousands of families in this country that live in utter indigent squalor every single day yet they still have the love of their family members and sometimes that's the glue that keeps them together as individuals and that's the only thing that gets them through. Yet I am unjustly sequestered from my only child solely because of closeminded selfishness and because I don't have money? That is without any doubt the most insane and cruelest thing I have ever heard of IN MY ENTIRE FREAKING LIFE. This is SO wrong and I can't believe this could possibly be legal what they are doing to me(to us). Ooohh, I need some sort of pro bono legal Superman to fly down and rescue me from this soul crushing peril. Where are all the superheroes in real life when you need them? If you find one let him/her know what's up. I think they'd be willing to help.

Sky, I know you are probably feeling pretty grifted in all this too. The hardest part of all is knowing that you are being bogusly ripped off through all this and that is NONE of you're fault and entirely unfair to you. That's the harshest pain of all for me to have to endure and it burns like a red hot knife blade in my heart. I sincerely hope that none of the other parties involved here could possibly be getting any satisfaction from this. Whew, where do we find relief from something like this, it is sooo heinous. No doubt, if old Sam Walton(see 7-18-05) were here right now he'd totally kick my ass. I'm not so sure that I wouldn't deserve it either. It begrieves me to admit that I have undoubtedly allowed myself to completely fall into this ever difficult situation that it seems I'm totally unable to get myself out of. Yikes baby, this is some seriously tough stuff. Wow, I'm sorry about ranting on about this Sky, It's not my intention to use this blog as a place to complain and I'll stop now. This all just seems so...so...not right, ya know? I should probably close this post soon anyway, I don't want to make them too long. I want to end this post on a positive note but I don't know where to go from here.

Let me just close with this.....Skylar, you are my hugest and most impossible dream come true and as much as you mean to my heart I know that I could someday be as valuable to you. I Love You with every ounce of life in my body. GOD BLESS YOU MY BEAUTIFUL GIFT FROM HEAVEN :-) . Enough of following all the wrong roads, it's beyond time I turned this thing around. I will never give up on this effort and I will NEVER give up on you. Please try to keep your chin held high and always remember to be conscious of doing the right thing, because it matters, and when hard times come your way...be brave, things will get better, I promise you. Until then just try to stay busy and stay positive....and Laugh baby, laugh as big and as often as possible. Laughter lifts your heart and opens you're spirit. Nothing's quite as awesome a release as when laughter wells up from deep down inside you and you just let it all come rolling out. Oh how I dream I could see you laugh. I can only pray someday we'll laugh together. Take care of yourself and the loved ones around you Sky and I'll post again soon. All My Love, you're FOREVER E.G.F.